LiFe...

I really hate myself, hate myself for being so clumsy and blur. I bought bus tickets for the wrong date! and the tickets were not expired, so I dun think they will refund me money. WTH! the even more sad thing is when u feel so sad, disappointed of urself, u get nothing from ur partner, but words of not syok and blaming. I am really sad and disappointed...sad for the money, but even more sad of ur action...

Sometimes we quarrel,
Sometimes we cold war...
However,
Sometimes we are sweet,
Sometimes we wish we could have more time together...

My blog is full with sadness...
Because I could only express my sadness through blog...

I hope that we could overcome every obstacle in the future...
You are really the one that I want...
I love you...
<3 p="">

昨天你sent了很过分的话给我，因为为了一个fb status,而生气我。我要把conversation完完整整地留下来，因为，我要提醒自己，有时不只是我有错，你也会有错。 Him：以为今年的这一天也会如无意外地收到花，看来今年要例外了。haiz! Me: y? i din blame u at all..just feel wu liao wanna write status only ma...u dun like i delete lo..i deleted already.. Him: All i can say is haiz.. it does not matter whether u delete it anot Me: wat do u wan me to do then? i dun und y r u not happy with the post..can tell me? 我不知道我做错了什么？ Him: If you dont think got anything not right then u delete for what? zzzz...haiz...sienz Me: I delete it for u.. Him: i duno how much more of this... 当聊到这时，我的泪早就忍不住了。心很痛。 Me: i close my whole fb for u..ok? then wont have this anymore.. 一说完，我就立刻deactivate我的fb了。。结果，我们用line apps继续吵。。 Him: haiz..here u go again. a simple question. what do u hope to achieve by posting something like that? ppl pity u? let your zi mui know how kelian u r? let your frenz know how u received no flowers?others might send u some? now u go again. what do u hope to achieve by closing down your fb? ppl notice and wonder what happened to cmq? then come find u ask u whats wrong. then u can go telling how kelian u r? aiz. reactivate your fb. Thank you! ??? almost all active fb are attention seeking. some seek by elevating themselves. show how they are better than others. some by pulling down themselves. show how they are mistreated. some simply just share daily happenings. which one are you? just to add both first two category up there are seeking at the expense of others.. to me both are equally...reply me..thanks 我从来没有看过他一次过传那么多信息给我的，通常这样子做的人都是我。。:( Me: I feel that I'm the one who share daily happening..but it seemed like u disagree with that..so i dun think u should ask me..useless if i can't change ur perception.. Him: ok..please reactivate your fb..a simple question..what do u hope to achieve by posting something like that? simple question also cannot answer? Me:just to express myself..and of course wan u to notice it.. Him: ok..here's how i see..want me to notice is tell me..want others to notice is to post fb..simple..who is the audience.. Me: i dun wan to tell u directly.. Him: ok..then? zz..must tell whole world? zzzz...what logic Me: i dun und y cant i post it in public Him: hmm..can if u intended it for the public..which u can stop denying..it's not for me..if it is then its to me..anw u r good at this.. Me: ...what do u mean? saying that im good at this. Him: one day i'd be too..just the phrase meaning no hidden meaning.. Me: u be wat? i mean u said i good at wat? Him: right now i put the not so nice thing behind doors. will learn to let it out to my advantage.. Me: i dun und..can explain? too chim.. Him: it is what it is..i cant explain further.. Me: but i dun und..what do u mean by putting things behind doors? Him: then u dun need to.. Me: can say it directly? dun use descriptive sentence.. Him: it's already Direct! zz..anyway u dont understand just let it be.. Me: please explain..wat let it be? i dun wan.. Him: I already say i dunno what else to explain.. Me: I dunno wat is ur decision for this prob.. Him: please be reasonable..no decision..u do what u want.. Me: i just wan to know wat do u mean..let it be or not is my decision..not urs..please tell again in other words..when did i being not reasonable now..now i und after reading a few times..i din restrict u before for not telling others or putting fb status..for me..sometimes it is a way to express my feelings..but today one obviously i wanna let u see one..initially i wanna put three flowers..where u should und that im just longing flowers from u..it is sad indeed when u said i might hope others to give it to me..i din write three flowers at the end coz of grammar prob..feel that it is not fluent..congratz..u really hurt my heart deeply today..i shall say nothing now..coz nothing will help..u wanna get mad of me becoz of this tiny matter..i really got nothing to say..i also dunno wat else i can do..watever that i did also wrong..sorry for being so active in fb..but this is cmq..this is maggie chong..im ok to change if there is reasonable reason..but i really cant see any prob here..even if i post anything related to u that can be viewed by public..i dun see any wrong there..is it wrong if i wan my fren attention and wan someone to talk to? u dun und gals..this is how gals express themselves..not like u guyz..can keep in heart.. Him: okay..so u think I would be happy to see this kind of post..victimizing yourself always, so whos the villain..u think this is fair? Me: but the prob is...today fb status i din make myself looked like victim..i just said i cant receive my v flowers on the exact day..tats all..i dunno how u interpret it.. 事情到现在都还没有解决。。我不知道该怎样。。

我真的觉得很辛苦，我不知道还能撑多久。

我很累，我真的不明白。我觉得我缺乏该有的自由。不知何时开始，我觉得我只看到我单方面的付出。可能你没有说吧，人都是那样，只看重自己为别人牺牲的。谢谢jiun,在这星期聆听我的倾诉，给了我意见，所以我才较少和他吵架。打从星期三开始，我从新加坡搭飞机和哥哥回家，你就没什么联络我了，我就好像从你生命中消失了一样，我也不看期望，奢望，你会传讯息给我，更别说打电话给我。一开始，我真的有点抓狂了，因为，我传讯息说，我要打电话给你，而你就一而再再而三地ignore了。我真的很伤心，可是也同一时间在告诉自己，不要为了这些小事而吵架，真的不值。就像jiun说的，我就花多点心思在家人身上，做自己的东西，偶尔如果你有回复我fb msg时，才会你一两句话，也不敢打太多，否则，我又会因为你ignore了我的字而又不开心了。想说，就给多一点时间你吧，看你几时才会想起我吧。。果然，很少才想起我。可是算了，我真的觉得如果又在为这一件事吵下去，又会没完没了了。。 现在他居然又生气了，原因是，我写了fb status-以为今年的这一天也会如无意外地收到花，看来今年要例外了。他很不爽，我不知道为什么。我就是那种女生，想要别人注意的女生。难道写什么我也没有那个自由吗？况且我又不知道这句话有什么问题。我猜想可能他觉得我要让大家误会我和他分手了?可是我写这一句话也不代表我是单身啊，难道是他觉得被冤枉了？因为他本想要回来新加坡，可是买不到车票，我也对他说没关系，交他陪陪家人。他觉得我出尔反尔所以生气？我真的被搞糊涂了。。一直在猜想。终于，我把我的status给delete了，他又说，现在不是delete不delete的问题，PS*那是什么问题？我真的不知道。结果我就问他说，那你可以让我知道为什么你为了那一句话不开心吗？结果他说，你都不知道有什么问题，那你为什么delete?当然是为了你才delete啦，不然叻?!他冷冷地回我一句说，i dunno how much more of this.我真的很不开心，我猜我应该真的要关了我的fb，他才会罢休吧。我觉得我真的应该要这么做了。。。。虽然不舍，虽然不开心，可是，目前为止，是唯一的办法吧。再见了。

最近我觉得我好像在跟空气说话，喜欢就不回我fb msg,喜欢就ignore我的msg,就算我跟你说叫你打电话给我，就算我叫你回到家时让我知道，好让我能打电话给你聊聊天。。但，那些话，都好像隐形似的，你把它彻彻底底地给ignore了。。看回我们的conversation,才发现，原来都是我一直一直在给他写讯息，基本上我写很多很多给他，他只会看最后一句。。哎，或许你会说，你不是说要看开了吗？对，我是选择要看开，可是看开真的要付出很多代价的。。其中之一就是，把他给忘了吧，能忘就忘吧。。不是不爱他，而是因为爱他，爱自己。。或许这是唯一的办法，不是不要跟他讨论这问题，而是讨论过太多次了。。都没有结果。。只会一直吵架。。说自己为对方付出多少。。所以，还是算了吧。。只能把自己的情绪管一管。。加油，张美琪。。

This week I had been so busy with my school...lots of project, discussion, homework...and lots to catch up as I had missed quite a lot of lessons for two modules..super busy...superb superb...i celebrated anniversary with waiming this week...so fast already two years..although we always okay after quarrel, but recently i really dunno what happen to us...he just not syok with almost all my decisions and the things that i do..where i dunno y! i thought just different views and hope to get some respect from him...but...it doesnt seem so..very complicated..i duno...i hope..all these just temporarily problems...maybe he is just too tiring for work..maybe i am just too tiring for studies...