LiFe...

Recently im very hardworking in updating my blog...lots of word....coz i know after stepping into the society, i may a totally different point of views...so i try to write down all the feelings that i have now...I thought this is the last sem for me..and i have only one core...i will not be so stress..the first day of lesson for my core, already successfully formed group...where always this part scares me the most...for every beginning of the semester...thought already planned well...and formed group...should have no more worries for the module..what i do is just to work hard for the module..contribute more to the group project...thats all... During the first lesson of the module, there is a gal called Sarah..who was my groupmate in year 2 sem 1 core...I remember she is quite a good groupmate...however, during the break for the lesson, the other two girls joined me and my fyp groupmate...then told us lots of comments about Sarah...said no other group wanna accept her this and that...omg...we r really speechless..i din comment much...just watever they wan...as long as i have a group... few days later..which was yesterday...Sarah whatapps me and asked me r we still going to form a group together..i said dunno..coz i din ask the other groupmate..afterall, she told me that the other two girls already joined the other groups...i really speechless..speechless! this is not the first time being abandoned...i am happy that my fyp groupmate din abandon me..coz actually she can choose to join other group herself..then i sure die..lolx....really thx her!!!! and she still told me not to worry, not to stress...she will settle! omg...the only good fren that i ever have in nbs!! regret of not knowing her in the beginning.

Today bit moody..not happy...coz...i knew that last sem final i din do well..i thought that i ald tried my best...recently groupmates of mine..of different modules last sem..they asked me how was my mod..last sem...they all score quite good..just me not very good..super far from them...i thought i ald tried my best...but they were my groupmates...project result should be the same..diff in overall grade means final i din do well...did very super badly..aiz... :(

Sometime i just need some authority, some power to make decision..am i request for too much? i dunno wat happen to him...is it work stress, pressure or watever...but he shouldnt have release that to me right..im confused..i thought our relationship is becoming more and more stable since the very very very difficult obstacles..we are now solving it slowly already..was happy that you called me..as if u know that i miss u, as if u know that im looking at the phone waiting for ur call..however, i really dunno wat u wan...i und that u dun wan me to wait for u after ur work..coz u dunno when r u dismissing..when i said wanna pass ck cny biscuit..coz i put my stuff in his room..then u said y i din give u? where actually the fact is that i gave u a tin..and u finish it within one week..and finally i made up my mind, say that i give u the biscuit...and i help ck to sweep the floor of his room as a action to thank him..then u disallow..i really dunno wat do u wan...i dun dare to say that u r jealous..u r not happy that i treat him in that way...afraid that u will be angry and keep saying that u din jealous at all..maybe jealous is a shameful thing for u...but yet u have that kind of feeling, i assume...then i wan to stand at the corridor and chat with u via viber...what did i do wrongly? just that i dislike someone else listen to our conversation, knowing that wat am i talking to u...tats all..so i choose to talk at the corridor..y do u wan to force me to go back to room and lying on the bed? i dun und...when i refuse...u keep saying, keep repeating..i dun und! on the other way, if i do so to u, i know what will u do...will definitely show me ur not syok, not happy and angry...not that i wan to compare, i know that diff ppl have diff limitation and attitude behaviors..i just wan u to know that...u dislike ppl to do that to u, then y do u treat other like that? i just hope to get more respect from u...对不起，我不是一个小女人...

New year, new semester, new life...again im lonely now...actually i knew it will happen...just as lonely as last semester...however, im still hoping for a change...hope to enjoy my last semester..but i really have no fren..at least now sometime i have my fyp groupmate with me in school...let have a short introduction for my fyp groupmate..her name is si fan..is a PR..taiwanese..she is a very hardworking person..i blif her result also not bad.. I miss my frens...i miss year 1 hall 2 moment..i know we can never ever get back to that moment..but it is really tough for me to have this kind of lonely life...feel that im unimportant to anyone...even if anything happens to me...no once will know..i have this kind of feelings..i thought i used to this kind of life..dunno that..becoz this is far from my original behaviors or lifestyle..it took time for me to suit myself into that situation..and now after 3 weeks of break...again..i have to work hard to feel ease or comfortable in this atmosphere or environment..i hope i can do it..

最近放假，好像放得有点太久了。。放得我心都野了，不想开学。。这次可以说是我最粘家的一次。。因为完全没有朋友在。。朋友们大部分都在上课，本地大学都在上课。。以前一起工作的朋友又都去外地发展了。。我也没跟他们那么熟了。。天天都待在家，做fyp。。上网，发梦，睡觉。。真无聊。。 这次可真进步了。。。以前回来怡保几天，我和伟民就吵架了。。当然，是在电话吵。。。原因？就是我嫌他不够committed咯。。好像完全忘了我似的。。很少回我讯息，也很少主动打电话给我。。最近大家都做出了改变。。他也比较有打电话给我了。。。而我，也尽量给多点时间自己，不要让自己一直看着电脑或者电话。。那么，时间也过得比较快，也不会因为他没有打电话给我，或没有传讯息给我而感到不开心了。。 听了好友jiun的意见后，我真的是觉得她说的很有道理。。不要因为赌气而想说控制自己不要讯息或者不要打电话给他。。。要等他先紧张自己。。其实这样做，最后，往往受伤的还是自己。。反而，身为女生的我们，要给多一点时间自己，做自己的事情，想看戏，就尽情地看戏，投入地看戏。。想做什么就去做，想和朋友出去，就去。。也不用说害怕他联络不到自己而一直注意着电话。。我进步了，我真的尽了我最大的能力，去改变了。。想着要让大家摆脱痛苦。。 虽然这改变的过程是令我痛苦的，但，更令我感到伤心的是，我觉得自己慢慢地被忽略了。。虽然，我刚改变时，他果真有比较关心我，可能他觉得突然的改变让他很不习惯，所以他都很主动的几乎每一天放工时都会打电话给我。。但久而久之，回我的讯息就越来越少，也越来越迟回复我。。更不用说电话了，也是开始少了。。我以为我们分隔两地那么远，几星期的时间，他会很想我，那么他就会打电话给我。。结果我好像错了。。我好辛苦，真不知道该怎么样。。 把风筝的线放松，觉得风筝线像要断掉，觉得自己要被遗忘了。。把风筝线抓得太紧，大家又相处得很辛苦。。我真的不知道该怎么样。。就这样吗？ 前几天我们又吵架了。。其实到现在我还是不觉得自己有错，只是大家的意见不合而已。。我们说好了要去旅行。。genting..但他不肯定能否拿到假期。。因为最近他很多project。。我想说，那么就没关系咯。。我们下次才去。。因为总要早点买房间啊。。可是这样如果真的请不到假不能去的话，那么就浪费掉了啊。。结果，我就说，不要浪费钱冒这个险。。他生气了！ 他竟然生气了。。他说，又是他给钱，难道这么小的决定他没好好思考过的吗，为什么我要怀疑他。。我真的没话可说了。。为他省钱却被他不爽？这是什么道理。。我真的不明白。。我能说的只是，我们的意见不同，他为了我们，而冒险要买房间一起去旅行。。而我，也为了我们，不要冒险浪费钱去旅行。。出发点是一样的，只是意见不同。。为什么我好像是那个错得很错很错的那个人？我真的不明白。。我们也为了这事吵了两天。。 我的心情被他搞得糟糕极了。。真的很没有心情。。他真的有点大男人，我也觉得他对我的态度有点开始不好了，没有耐心。。我很怕。。我真的不知道该继续如何面对。。所以最后就选择重新开始。。我说，我们不要在为这事吵了，好吗？我们重新来过。。也别再说为对方付出了多少多少。。我真心希望我们大家都能做出改变。。为了我们这段难得的感情和关系。。加油。。。